dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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