i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize