What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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