went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize