I hate all girls vehemently.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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