I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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