man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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