Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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