she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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