So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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