What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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