He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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