Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize