I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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