dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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