She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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