The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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