Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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