I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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