I wish I could teleport
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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