well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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