i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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