I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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