How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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