I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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