My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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