I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize