dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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