By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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