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why didn't you poke me back
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Randomize
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