Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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Sorry about my life...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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