I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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