i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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