You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize