I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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