i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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