you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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