I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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