I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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