shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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