Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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