this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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Do you remember whose house we're in?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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