you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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