I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
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I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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