god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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