Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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