i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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