piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
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he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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