Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize