My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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